It was a peaceful day in Inkwell. The Novelites went about their day-to-day business around the kingdom,
performing various duties for their princess. The Pages floated to and fro, whilst the Bookwyrms frolicked in
the fields, and the Novel Knights watched over them all. Everything appeared to be normal…
But at Inkwell Manor, deep within The Great Library, a small Novelite shuffled around the Sorting Room in a
frantic state.
“Oh dear, oh no!” The small Novelite fretted to itself as it scooted in a circle around the room.
“What am I going to do?!?”
“What’s wrong, little one?” A Page asked as it floated down from where it was storing books on a top shelf.
“I need to find something new for Lady Shiori to read!” The Novelite wailed.
“But she’s read so many books that I have no idea what to bring to her!”
“Oh my!” The Page said. “That is a bit of a conundrum!”
“Have no fear, little one! For I have exactly what you need!”
The Novelite and Page looked up to see a Novel Knight sitting astride their Bookwyrm. The inky steed shuffled
forward, knocking piles of books over as it made its way to the panicky pair.
“Good knight, please! No riding Bookwyrms in the library!” The Page shrieked.
“No worries, good Page!” The knight said, sliding off the back of their Bookwyrm mount and landing solidly on
the floor. The Novelknight turned and pulled a large burlap sack off from where it had been stored behind
their
saddle on their steed’s back, placing it on the ground with a heavy thump
“Behold!” The Novel Knight said, flipping open the sack to reveal a stack of books.
The Page and the Novelite looked at each other, then back at the knight.
“Well,” the Novelite said slowly, “I can see that they’re more books, but I don’t quite see how that changes
anything.”
“Ah, but these are not any old books,” the Novel Knight said, wagging an inky tendril back and forth.
“These books are a collection known as The Ludlum Library.”
“Oooh!” The Novelite squealed in excitement, then immediately asked, “What’s that?”
“The Ludlum Library is a series of books written and published by Professor Lenore ‘Lenny’ Ludlum of the
Wiskatonic Institute,” the Novel Knight said.
“She had begun researching a variety of subjects relating to the Ancient Ones, and began recording her
findings in these books.”
“That doesn’t sound safe…” the Page said.
“It wasn’t,” the Novel Knight said. “Unfortunately, continuous exposure to… well, to anything relating to
the
AOs took a toll on her sanity, which can be seen in the increasingly nonsensical titles of her works.”
“Really?” The Novelite asked, cautiously eyeing the stack of books.
“Really. See here, at the top, where the titles at least appear coherent?” the Novel Knight said as they ran
their tendril over the spines of the books.
“The Horshack Conspiracy and The Forbin Conundrum,” the Novelite squinted as they read the titles aloud.
“Yes,” the Novel Knight nodded. “Then, as her mental state deteriorated, the titles of her books devolved
into
nonsensical word salad, like The Migraine Containment, The Slingshack Congealment, and The Crankshaft
McNogginbee.”
“What are those sheets of paper between each book?” The Page asked, looking the pile up and down.
“Some sort of padding, I’d imagine,” the Novel Knight said with a shrug. Then they pointed at the lower half
of
the stack and said, “Now these are the fun ones. Ludlum wrote them after she had gone completely off her
rocker,
and it shows through the utter gibberish titles she chose. Take a look.”
The Novelite scooted closer to the pile of books, and began reading the titles out loud, “The GreenGreen
Gagrinegagrinega, The Polping PoPoPoPo, Zinga Zingaza, The Klingla Kluglulu, The Shreenshrack Regeengyne, The-
what is this nonsense?!?”
“Keep going,” the Novel Knight said, paying no attention to the Page who had floated closer to the books.
“All right,” the Novelite sighed, and resumed reading. “The Momaw Mo-moo-moo, The Mingmang Patingtang, The
Lala
Kalingalingaling, The Kriskrack Krakrakra, and The Machingo Congilium.”
“So, what do you think?” The Novel Knight asked.
“I think you had me read a bunch of nonsense for your own personal amusement,” the Novelite replied, glaring
at
the knight.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” the Novel Knight said, their eye twinkling mischievously. “All I’ve done is presented
you with new reading material to give to Shiori. An obscure collection of books on eldritch abominations-“
“And the screenplay for Steel Magnolias,” the Page said, having picked up the top book and looking at the
papers underneath it.
“Wat,” the Novel Knight said flatly.
“And Beaches,” the Page continued, picking up the next book, then picking up the third and saying, “And 50
Shades of-“ The Page stopped abruptly, slamming the books back on the stack.
An awkward silence filled the room as the Novelite, Page, and Novel Knight fidgeted about in discomfort.
Finally, the Novelite said, “Are we sure Professor Ludlum wasn’t just writing some AO-focused sm-, er,
doujins?”
“Hewwo?” A familiar voice called from the entrance of the Sorting Room. The trio yelped and flailed about in
a
panic as Shiori walked into the room.
“What’cha guys doing?”
“Lady Shiori! Uhm, well, you see- that is we-,” the Novel Knight stammered out.
“Oh, the Ludlum Library?” Shiori said, flipping open the cover of the top book. “They’re interesting reads,
I
suppose, but not really my thing.”
“Oh,” the Novel Knight said with disappointment, shoulders slumping. “I-I see…”
“Aww, there there,” Shiori said, patting the knight on their head. “It’s okay, I appreciate that you tried
to
get me something new…”
“Thank you, Lady Shiori,” the Novel Knight said, hugging Shiori’s legs. The Novelite and Page moved closer
to
join the knight in hugging their lady. Even the Bookwyrm scooted forward and nuzzled her face with its head.
“Now then,” Shiori said as she disengaged from her followers, “how about we go find something new for me to
read.”
“Yay!” All of her followers cheered. Shiori picked up the Novelite and walked further into the Sorting Room.
The Page and the Novel Knight started to follow along behind, when the Page stopped and looked at the Novel
Knight.
“What should we do about… those?” The Page asked, looking back at the collection of books.
The Novel Knight walked over to the Bookwyrm and stepped on its front limb, causing its mouth to swing open.
Then the knight threw each book and screenplay into the Bookwyrm’s mouth, which swallowed them all whole and
burped loudly. Then the Novel Knight leapt on the Bookwyrm’s back and rode after Shiori, with the Page
floating
after them yelling, “I SAID, NO RIDING BOOKWYRMS IN LIBRARY!” It was a peaceful day in Inkwell.